Thanks for visiting Mock Tweets where we provide a satiracle look inside the minds of athletes and celebrities in 140 characters or less.
November 23rd, 2009
In today's revelations: Urban Meyer, Rasheed Wallace and more....
What they're tweeting:
Urban-Meyer: Me, coach at Notre Dame? Hahahahahahahahahahhaha. If only that made a little sense, I could stop laughing.
Eric-Mangini: That loss to the Lions was everyone elses' fault but mine. I assume no responsibility. None.
What we're tweeting:
@Marc-Bulger: You're hurt? What? You're normally like a piece of iron. I'm just shocked.
@Rasheed-Wallace: I guaransheed you are washed up.
As always, the Twitter names and tweets above are for entertainment purposes only. They are completely fictitious and do not represent the athlete or celebrity they intend to impersonate in any way. For more info see our terms of use.
November 19th, 2009
In today's revelations: Mark Mangino, Theirry Henry and more....
What they're tweeting:
Mark-Mangino: People need to relax, stop overreacting and give me some bacon.
JaMarcus-Russell: Bummed I got benched but have faith I will get another chance. Do you know how much they're paying me?
What we're tweeting:
@Thierry-Henry: So not only are the French assholes, but they're also cheaters?
@Charlie-Weis: But Charlie, if you get fired, what college coach are we going to make fun of? I guess there's still Rich-Rod...for now.
As always, the Twitter names and tweets above are for entertainment purposes only. They are completely fictitious and do not represent the athlete or celebrity they intend to impersonate in any way. For more info see our terms of use.
November 12th, 2009
In today's revelations: Larry Johnson, Brady Quinn and more...
What they're tweeting:
Larry-Johnson: My plan worked! Out of KC! Time to find a team with a real O-line. Sorry Green Bay...not interested.
Ken-Griffey-Jr: Does me coming back for another year make up for me leaving in my prime? Damn, didn't think so.
What we're tweeting:
@Brady-Quinn: Glad you are getting another chance to start. Good thing you have a great mentor in Derek Anderson!
@Pau-Gasol: Out until Christmas? That is quite a long siesta for a hamstring Pau.
From Aaron in Georgia: @Andy-Reid: It's to the point where I won't be surprised if you take an intentional safety up 1 with 2 minutes to go. I really won't.
As always, the Twitter names and tweets above are for entertainment purposes only. They are completely fictitious and do not represent the athlete or celebrity they intend to impersonate in any way. For more info see our terms of use.
November 6th, 2009
In today's revelations: Joey Porter, Bob Sanders and that psycho girl from the New Mexico soccer team...
What they're tweeting:
Joey-Porter: Getting ready for the Patriots on Sunday by watching film and reading up on the Tom Brady rules. Don't count on any sacks from me this week, but definitely a personal foul.
Rajon-Rondo: Glad to have the contract done and to be a Celtic. I know @Chris-Paul is jealous.
What we're tweeting:
@Elizabeth-Lambert: Not sure what is more amazing, that you didn't get kicked out of that game or that you turned out not to be the devil.
@Bob-Sanders: Bob, we had you down for playing 4 games this season in our pool, very dissappointing...should have known better.
@Alex-Rodriguez: Congrats on the World Series. You now have as many rings as steroids admissions!
As always, the Twitter names and tweets above are for entertainment purposes only. They are completely fictitious and do not represent the athlete or celebrity they intend to impersonate in any way. For more info see our terms of use.
October 29th, 2009
In today's revelations: Lebron James, Mark Teixeira and more...
What they're tweeting:
Tim-Hardaway: @Larry-Johnson Hey we should hang out sometime....I think we could be good friends!
Tim-Donaghy: Not sure why I can't get my book published. Evidently David Stern has more power than the constitution.
Lebron-James: @Brady-Quinn Hey can you tell me which Cleveland real estate agency you are using to sell your house?
What we're tweeting:
@Andre-Agassi: We always thought you were gay truthfully, but you were just high. We appologize. Wait...no we don't.
@Mark-Teixeira: Hey don't blame yourself for your postseason struggles...blame the Yankees for not knowing it was coming.
@Brett-Favre: Must be nervous for Sunday...we won't blame you if you just want to retire. In fact many would thank you.
As always, the Twitter names and tweets above are for entertainment purposes only. They are completely fictitious and do not represent the athlete or celebrity they intend to impersonate in any way. For more info see our terms of use.
October 20th, 2009
In today's revelations: Braylon Edwards, Alex Rodriguez and more...
What they're tweeting:
Jeff-Fisher:@Bill-Belichick F#%& You.
Mike-Shanahan: Is the Redskins job open yet? I don't want to see the moral of my (future) team go any lower.
What we're tweeting:
@Alex-Rodriguez: Uhhh A-Rod...care to explain this?
@Braylon-Edwards: 0-6 so far this season, guess we know what the REAL problem
in Cleveland was...
@Jim-Zorn: Resigning completely may have just been a better idea.
As always, the Twitter names and tweets above are for entertainment purposes only. They are completely fictitious and do not represent the athlete or celebrity they intend to impersonate in any way. For more info see our terms of use.
October 12th, 2009
In today's revelations: Tim Tebow, Matt Holliday and more...
What they're tweeting:
Rush-Limbaugh: Not sure what the objection is over me buying the Rams, it's not like they have a starting black quarterback.
Jamarcus-Russell:@Derek-Anderson Hey 2 for 17 and a win! Congrats. Couldn't have done worse myself.
Tim-Tebow: Felt great to get the win and be back on the field. And cue music.
What we're tweeting:
@Kyle-Orton: Wait. We're confused. Are you actually a good quarterback? Is that even possible with your facial hair? Thanks for the clearification.
@Chris-Chelios: Chris, we mean this in the nicest way, but let it go.
@Matt-Holliday: Hey Matt....CATCH! Haha just kidding...
@Kate-Hudson: Whatever you're doing (or not doing) to make A-Rod hit in the postseason, good work.
As always, the Twitter names and tweets above are for entertainment purposes only. They are completely fictitious and do not represent the athlete or celebrity they intend to impersonate in any way. For more info see our terms of use.
October 7th, 2009
In today's revelations: Michael Crabtree, Tom Brady and more...
What they're tweeting:
Michael-Crabtree: Giving these negotiations another shot...don't want to take a chance of the Rams drafting me next year.
Braylon-Edwards: See if I defend Lebron when he leaves Cleveland after this season....
What we're tweeting:
@Miguel-Cabrera: Sorry about your loss but we'd like to congratulate you on achieving a .26 blood-alcohol level. We're not even mad, that's impressive.
@Tom-Brady: If you keep whining for calls someone is going to rough the passer on purpose. And you'll deserve every bit of it.
As always, the Twitter names and tweets above are for entertainment purposes only. They are completely fictitious and do not represent the athlete or celebrity they intend to impersonate in any way. For more info see our terms of use.
October 4th, 2009
In today's revelations: Chris Paul, Brett Favre and more....
What they're tweeting:
Chris-Paul: If I do this in a game, can it be worth 20 points?
Coach-K: My Dukies played well today against the #6 team in the nation. F%#& yeah!
Jeff-Garcia: I really have nothing against JaMarcus Russell, it's not his fault Al Davis has ruined his career.
What we're tweeting:
@Jim-Leyland: Your team couldn't be choking more if they smoked your entire lifes' in-take of cigarettes in one day.
@Mark-Cuban: Thank you Mark! We were thinking the same thing.
@Brett-Favre: Aren't you the least bit worried you may get confused and throw at the Packers jerseys on Monday? Or did I just ruin your excuse?
As always, the Twitter names and tweets above are for entertainment purposes only. They are completely fictitious and do not represent the athlete or celebrity they intend to impersonate in any way. For more info see our terms of use.
September 30th, 2009
In today's revelations: Terrell Owens, C.C. Sabathia and more...
What they're tweeting:
Terrell-Owens: Not going to throw Trent under the bus...he's my quarterback
Chad-Pennington: Not ready to call it quits. Doctors said they are absolutely positively sure my arm will be stronger after surgery.
What we're tweeting:
@C.C.-Sabathia: It's October C.C. You've done your part. Now time to shut it down before you screw things up.
@Diana-Taurasi: Kind of curious as to how you are celebrating being the MVP of the WNBA? May we suggest a D.D. just in case...
As always, the Twitter names and tweets above are for entertainment purposes only. They are completely fictitious and do not represent the athlete or celebrity they intend to impersonate in any way. For more info see our terms of use.
September 28th, 2009
In today's revelations: Tim Tebow, Michael Vick and more...
What they're tweeting:
Tim-Tebow: Sorry to all Florida fans for getting hurt. I will try my best to not let it happen again. Please forgive me.
David-Stern: Replacement refs and new social media rules coming this season! Should be exciting!
Michael-Vick: Didn't play as muc....err... as well as I would have liked. Always next week.
What we're tweeting:
@Jim-Zorn: Are you going to be at the airport to greet Bill Cowher when he arrives to go house shopping in the DC area?
@Romeo-Crennel: Where are you??? The Browns miss you. I know I'm shocked too.
As always, the Twitter names and tweets above are for entertainment purposes only. They are completely fictitious and do not represent the athlete or celebrity they intend to impersonate in any way. For more info see our terms of use.
September 26th, 2009
In today's revelations: Tiger Woods, Derrick Rose, Tony Romo and more...
What they're tweeting:
Tiger-Woods: Steve made me watch a replay of Phil Mickelson's 8 on hole 14 from day one. Had me in tears laughing. Hold on...watching it again.
Devin-Harris: Am I the only one concerned that our new owner may have been part of the KGB. If russian rullette breaks out after losses, I'm out of here.
Derrick-Rose: Hapy this SAT mattur is behind me.
What we're tweeting:
@Tony-Romo: Is there a chance that an explosion will occur when you and Jake Delhome step in the same stadium?
@LaDainian-Tomlinson: They've updated your Madden rating. You're now a 42, probably in correlation to the age your play reflects.
@Charlie-Manual: Screw up once shame on him. Screw up twice shame on you. Screw up 11 times...check yourself into the nearest nursing home.
As always, the Twitter names and tweets above are for entertainment purposes only. They are completely fictitious and do not represent the athlete or celebrity they intend to impersonate in any way. For more info see our terms of use.
September 23rd, 2009
In today's revelations: Urban Meyer, Michael Jordan, Tony Sparano and more...
What they're tweeting:
Urban-Meyer: Least favorite people of all-time: Lane Kiffin, Hitler and Timothy McVeigh.
Plaxico-Burress: Heading to prison to serve two years. Lesson to all kids out there: don't shoot yourself.
Michael-Jordan: They want me to play Bryon Russell 1 on 1 for charity. If I don't win by 10...well don't worry I will.
What we're tweeting:
@Tony-Sparano: To be frank Tony, your team runs the hurry-up offense about as well as Antoine Walker manages his finances.
@Joe-Girardi: So what...did your team cash their last paycheck and decide they didn't need to try anymore? That would explain a lot.
As always, the Twitter names and tweets above are for entertainment purposes only. They are completely fictitious and do not represent the athlete or celebrity they intend to impersonate in any way. For more info see our terms of use.
September 20th, 2009
In today's revelations: Steve Sarkisiaon, A-Rod, Lane Kiffin and more....
What they're tweeting:
Steve-Sarkisian: I love Pete, but now the world knows who the brains of the operation was down there.
Cris-Carter: @Jerry-Rice congrates on your hall nomination but don't count your chickens...the voters are idiots. And yes, I'm bitter.
What we're tweeting:
@Alex-Rodriguez: Jeter is better than you are. No seriously.
@Chris-Webber: Time out....What? Too soon?
@Lane-Kiffin: Your team played an awful lot like they were just trying to cover the spread against Florida. Hmmmmmm.
As always, the Twitter names and tweets above are for entertainment purposes only. They are completely fictitious and do not represent the athlete or celebrity they intend to impersonate in any way. For more info see our terms of use.
September 17th, 2009
In today's revelations: Jake Delhomme, Charlie Weis, Jay Cutler, Jorge Posada and more...
What they're tweeting:
Charlie-Weis: I've been playing NCAA 10 and throwing the ball on 2nd and 3rd down at the end of games works everytime. I don't get it.
Jorge-Posada: Only a three game suspension? Hip-hip Jorge!
What we're tweeting:
@Jay-Cutler: Good game the other night. You made Chad Hutchinson proud.
@Kyle-Orton: Still can't believe that last play. Not the result, but more amazed you could throw a ball that far.
@Jake-Delhomme: This time you didn't cost your team the season....don't worry there is still time!
@David-Stern: Idea for this season: play with no refs and every game is call-your-own. Who wouldn't pay to see that?
As always, the Twitter names and tweets above are for entertainment purposes only. They are completely fictitious and do not represent the athlete or celebrity they intend to impersonate in any way. For more info see our terms of use.
September 11th, 2009
In today's revelations: Richard Seymour, Michael Jordan, Shawne Merriman, John Madden and more...
What they're tweeting:
Shawne-Merriman: You cannot tell me someone named Tequila is allergic to alcohol. That's like me saying I'm allergic to steroids. Just silly.
Michael-Jordan: Appearently Dean Smith is pretty pissed I didn't ask him to present at the Hall of Fame. And I don't think Scottie knows yet so shhh...
John-Madden: I really thought Brett was done this time...but no worries I found my way back in the NFL as an "advisor." And I like how this Vikings shirt looks on me.
What we're tweeting:
@Richard-Seymour: So you're not going to wander onto the field Monday night at the Pats game, are you? Being a Raider isn't that ba...nm good luck to you.
@Michael-Jordan: Scottie knows...and let's just say I wouldn't expect a card in the mail. Andddddd someone may want to guard your statue 24/7.
As always, the Twitter names and tweets above are for entertainment purposes only. They are completely fictitious and do not represent the athlete or celebrity they intend to impersonate in any way. For more info see our terms of use.
September 8th, 2009
In today's revelations: Sam Bradford, Michael Irvin, Bobby Bonilla, and more...
What they're tweeting:
Sam-Bradford: Kind of regretting taking advice from Matt Leinart about whether stay at OU or go to the draft. He told me nothing bad could happen!
Michael Irvin: The U!!!!!!
Bobby-Bonilla: Really sad to see the Pirates set the record for losing season. I miss the good ole' days. No not the 70's, the early 90's.
What we're tweeting:
@Eric-Mangini:Keeping your QB situation a secret? Really? You're not exactly hiding the Da Vinci code. Just pick one crappy QB or the other. Thanks.
@Michael-Irvin: We don't like that.
As always, the Twitter names and tweets above are for entertainment purposes only. They are completely fictitious and do not represent the athlete or celebrity they intend to impersonate in any way. For more info see our terms of use.
September 4th, 2009
In today's revelations: Eric Mangini, Roger Federer, Curt Schilling and more...
What they're tweeting:
Eric-Mangini: I thought it would be a good idea to sit both of guys competing for our #1 QB job. You can learn a lot from watching them sit on the bench.
Curt-Schilling: Things I consider fun: playing with my kids, darts and running for the Senate.
What were tweeting:
@Bruce-Bowen: Congrats on a great career. There wasn't a player you couldn't guard and a player who couldn't guard you.
@Roger-Federer: How's your wife doin? she have any plans this weekend?
As always, the Twitter names and tweets above are for entertainment purposes only. They are completely fictitious and do not represent the athlete or celebrity they intend to impersonate in any way. For more info see our terms of use.
August 30th, 2009
What they're tweeting:
In today's revelations: Josh McDaniels, Lou Holtz and more....
Josh-McDaniels: Still trying to figure out who our next best player is so i can strain relations with him. This Champ Bailey guy may not be a bad choice...
Ozzie-Guillen: Do you think Jose got the message? Wait, I don't think Jose even speaks English. Damnit.
What we're tweeting:
@Lou-Holtz: Lou, we get it. You're old, crazy and used to coach for Notre Dame. Still no need for outlandlish predictions or support for Charlie Weis.
@Tim-Tebow: One credit hour this semester huh. The term student-athlete has never meant so little. WWTTD.
@Noel-Gallagher: How many times have you sang Wonderwall to yourself since you quit Oasis? I'll set the over/under at 748.
As always, the Twitter names and tweets above are for entertainment purposes only. They are completely fictitious and do not represent the athlete or celebrity they intend to impersonate in any way. For more info see our terms of use.
August 26th, 2009
In today's revelations: Rick Pitino, Mark Sanchez, Jay Cutler, Ted Kennedy and more....
What they're tweeting:
Mark-Sanchez: @Pete-Carrol Hey coach, I'm starting for the Jets. Why don't you ask Leinart how staying 4 years worked for him?
Brett-Favre: Let the record reflect, I am head of the Brett Favre camp. Buttons and flags available by request.
What we're tweeting:
@Rick-Pitino: Yelling at the media. Way to go Rick. When someone reports a rules violation against you...don't be surprised. Oh and have your checkbook ready.
@Jay-Cutler: Kind of confused about your comments about Josh McDaniels. You don't want to be traded back do you?
@Ted-Kennedy: R.I.P. You did a lot of good for our country....and Title IX
As always, the Twitter names and tweets above are for entertainment purposes only. They are completely fictitious and do not represent the athlete or celebrity they intend to impersonate in any way. For more info see our terms of use.
August 24th, 2009
In today's revelations: Omar Minaya, Jason Giambi, Michael Vick, Shaq and more....
What they're tweeting:
Omar-Minaya: I can't believe my job is safe. I feel like George Costanza.
Jason Giambi: Did something happen to Todd Helton? Why am I a Rockie?
Michael Vick: Looks like my first action will be against the Jags. Whew...cats.
What we're tweeting:
@Shaquille-O'Neal: New idea for your Shaq vs show: You take on a blind kid in free throw shooting. Yes, you still get an advantage.
@John-Smoltz: We knew you had it in you all along.
As always, the Twitter names and tweets above are for entertainment purposes only. They are completely fictitious and do not represent the athlete or celebrity they intend to impersonate in any way. For more info see our terms of use.
August 21st, 2009
In today's revelations: Chad Ochocinco, Plaxico Burress, John Calipari, Derrick Rose and more...
What they're tweeting:
Chad-Ochocinco People are surprised I can kick. I'm Ochocinco...what can't I do?
Derrick-Rose I stande by my diniale. I did not cheet on the SAT.
What we're tweeting:
@Plaxico-Burress You make my job too easy...you really do.
@John-Calipari That decision to leave Memphis must have been really tough. Way to sell it John.
As always, the Twitter names and tweets above are for entertainment purposes only. They are completely fictitious and do not represent the athlete or celebrity they intend to impersonate in any way. For more info see our terms of use.
August 19th, 2009
In today's revelations: Brett Favre, Jeff George, Tiger Woods, Brad Childress and much more.....
What they're tweeting:
Tiger-Woods Listen people, before this past Sunday I was down 19-5 to Jack in runner up finishes at majors. It wasn't easy but I had to give that one away.
Brett-Favre I just had to come back after throwing the ball around the other day, felt like I was 22 again....minus the soberness.
Jeff-George All this Favre hoopla. I've been trying to make a comeback for 5 years and for some reason no one cares. What if I grow the mustache back?
Brandon-Marshall Just got done dispatching of Kyle Orton's corp....car! Thing was a clunker.
What we're tweeting:
@Brad-Childress Now that you got Favre, can you please do something about that beard. If you had any credibility left as a head coach, it's gone.
@Patrick-Kane Are you afraid that a taxi may just come out of no where and run you over? Those cab drivers are a close bunch. Just wondering...
@Tavaris-Jackson I hear Brett Favre is looking for a roomate on road trips. Just sayin...
@John-Smoltz The Cardinals did tell you they were interested in you as a bat boy, right John?
As always, the Twitter names and tweets above are for entertainment purposes only. They are completely fictitious and do not represent the athlete or celebrity they intend to impersonate in any way. For more info see our terms of use.
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